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All posts for the month August, 2015

Lakeshore is my secret weapon. My wife and I are in a minority in that we’re in our thirties, we don’t have kids, and we most certainly do NOT anthropomorphize our dogs. This is not to say we are unfamiliar with children. Far from it. We’re regularly infested with kids. Relatives, friends, neighbors, all of them have expanded their carbon footprints by popping out one or two of these little “miracles”. I’m all for devaluing the term “miracle” by applying it towards the biological imperative of reproduction. If a sadomasochist twist like Mother Theresa can be seen to have performed miracles, then perhaps we can just move on without the promotion to sainthood. “Fine. It’s a miracle. Take a look at Calcutta – it’s filled with miracles. Now can we ease the suffering of the poor instead of seeing pain as a path to salvation in your sick, barbaric, warped religion? Thanks.” But now that we’ve moved past the parade of weddings we’ve graduated to the onslaught of children. (A childless friend of ours had the idea of having a birthday party for her dog and inviting only the parents of the kids that she had bought presents for over the years. Sure, we’d love to think there’s no such thing as quid pro quo in gift giving, but imagine decades of that shit. I’d throw a party for my hat at that point.) Gifts for kids are a trick sack – a toy is pointless, excessive, and the domain of grandparents. Donations to charities are a great idea, but sometimes you don’t want to be *that* much of a hippie. Thus, Lakeshore. Educational games, learning kits, craft supplies, and pretty much everything you could need for the K-12 experience. Laminated posters of human anatomy to fish species to multiplication tables, modeling clay, board games, sheets of felt, rolls of plastic, und so weite. If it’s designed to facilitate learning, Lakeshore has it. It’s arranged by grade and age so picking out an appropriate item is ridiculously easy. Their prices are outstanding and their clerks can offer pointed guidance about pretty much everything. They even know their state capitals. Teachers get a discount and can get one of those dangly keychain membership cards. They frequently have sales in the middle aisle to make space for all the new stuff they bring in. If you’re ever at a loss for what to give your breeder friends, Lakeshore is your place. You were expecting me to make a pedophile joke somewhere, weren’t you?

(310) 559-9630, 8888 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles

We have the fortune of living two blocks away from what is arguable one of Los Angeles’ few true French restaurants. French food was hijacked by gourmet chefs who tried to establish the sauce as the holy grail of culinary school. La Dijoniase proves that you can serve good French food in a cool neighborhood restaurant, without the astronomic price tag or the Food Network hovering near the souse chef station. Sandwiches, salads, pastas, and crepes, baby. They also serve one of the rare true Nicoise salads in town. There is a lunch menu with more sandwiches and lunch options. Beware, the one thing that is the most traditionally French here is the service. It tends to suck. The waiters are nice, but have trouble remembering you exist. Average price for two people is about twenty bucks before tip.

(310) 287-2770, 8703 Washington Blvd, Culver City

You always risk a disaster when you attempt fusion cuisine, but K-Zo succeeds deliciously. The quality of the fish is superb – which means anything built with fish that marvelous is going to be good. The live octopus carpaccio was spectacular. And though it didn’t twitch (not THAT live) you could tell it was fresh, prepared seconds before it hit our table. And that’s the second aspect of K-Zo that elavates it – their staff knows how to pace a meal. Sushi wasn’t just brought out in a buckshot. Salads and sashimi were presented first and the staff waited until they were eaten before bringing small portions of rolls and other dishes. This is a restaurant that knows that good fish must be eaten immediately after being prepared – the longer it waits on the table the weirder it gets. K-Zo is first class sushi dining and I can’t wait to go back. They also have an expansive sake list including a 3 flavor sampler for neophites. Alas, you’ll have to pay for the experience to the tune of forty bucks a head.

(310) 202-8890, 9240 Culver Blvd, Culver City

Jumbo’s is certainly one of the most surreal strip club experiences I’ve ever had. A friend of mine, recently returned from reporting on the Serb/Croatian war, came to visit me in L.A. wanting a rollicking good time to get his mind off the Serbian rape houses, mass graves, and torture chambers he had been reporting on for the last two years. I happily drove him on a bar crawl, along with another friend, a reporter for the UK Independent. (As a side note, if you ever have a chance to go on a drunk crawl with two foreign correspondents, I HIGHLY recommend it.) I saved the best for last. Our final destination was Jumbo’s Clown Room. Why Jumbo’s? Because you can see high class ass at The Grove these days. If you want to see GOOD plastic surgery, just walk about Beverly Hills, or run along the Santa Monica beaches. You’ve got to dig to find despair on display. You’ve got to turn off the light and wait for the floor to start moving. In Los Angeles, we hide our deformed cousin in the attic and stuff a rag in his mouth while the neighbors come and visit. Those scratching sounds you hear are the denizens of east Hollywood demanding to be saved. Jumbo’s did not disappoint. My friend recognized the accent of the bar wench and they began having a long conversation in German. A half eaten birthday cake sagged off the side of the stage, while the dancer slowly churned her torso under breasts that had been bolted on like a doctor had juiced two grapefruits on her chest and left them. The decor can only be described as your grandma’s living room circa 1962. I only wish there was more plastic on the furniture.

(323) 666-1187, 5153 Hollywood Blvd, Los Angeles

J.R.’s proves you have to go into the places that look somewhat seedy to find really good food. J.R.’s is on the bend on La Cienega, just past Washington Blvd tucked beside office supply liquidators and furniture warehouses. It is well worth the trip for L.A.’s best barbeque, sweet and tangy, tender and exploding with flavor. Lunches are, for good reason, packed at the U shaped counter. For dessert, you can order a 7-Up pound cake if you have any room left at all. Average price for two people is about twenty bucks before tip.

(310) 837-6838, 3055 La Cienega, south of Washington, Culver City

I have to hand it to them, this is a damn good pastrami sandwich. But the best in town is at Langer’s (see other review). Johnny’s will do quite nicely, a sloppy whopper of a pastrami sandwich slathered with sauce and served on sourdough bread. The place itself is often packed, and it feels like an old diner that’s been there for decades. They also make a great shake and really good fries to go with your beef-a-rama. Any place where you bring the smell of the deep frier outside with you should indicate you’re paying $8 tops for a sandwich.

4017 Sepulveda, just south of Washington Place, Culver City

Joe Peeps’ is the “home of the 5,969 calorie pizza”. It’s not a deep dish, but it’s piled so high with toppings and goodies that the crust has to be a little more spongy to safely accommodate the weight of the toppings. Joe Peep’s is a fantastic pizza, and it will woo both thin crust and thick crust lovers alike with the quality of its pies. I strongly recommend the all meat pizza (pepperoni, sausage, ground beef, and more) with mild banana peppers. There is also a kick ass vegetarian pizza with more veggie options that I care to type here. And as for delivery, Joe Peep’s will deliver anywhere in the world. You just have to pay for the delivery cost. If you eat in, expect a New York style pizza bodega covered in magic marker graffiti. The cost is higher than the chains, you can expect to shell out $20-$30 for a large or extra large pie – but it’s so worth it.

12460 Magnolia Blvd, @ Whitsett, North Hollywood

Joe’s is by far the most consistently wonderful dining experience I’ve had in this city. It is so good, and so reliable, that the noisy room doesn’t even pull down a star in its rating. For several years I worked at Digital Domain, at the corner of Rose and Main nearby. I’ve been to Joe’s dozens of times for lunch and dinner and have never had a meal less than spectacular. Two years ago my visiting father got violently ill after a dinner at Joe’s. Much to my relief, it was because of years of turning himself into fois gras and his pancreas was exploding. Thank goodness! I was afraid we wouldn’t be able to go back to Joe’s. Joe’s has a wonderful, seasonal menu, an outstanding wine selection and exceedingly knowledgeable staff. Trust your server to guide you through what is good and bad, they will be honest with you about their tastes. I find that the price is not as high as most fine dining in L.A., so it is reasonable in its class. Expect to pay at least $50 per person if you do a full, multi-course meal with wine. Oh, and Dad’s fine, thanks. (Update – he died in 2010. Didn’t change his lifestyle enough.)

(310) 399-5811, 1023 Abbot Kinney Blvd, Venice

3rd Street is becoming hard to beat as the hip starfucker zone of Los Angeles. Zipper, OK, New Stone Age, and Flight 101 are just some of the stores where you’ll find great gifts for your snooty modernist friends (like myself) while you shop alongside Alan Rickman, talk politics with Jake Gyllenhaall, and hold the door for a scruffy faced Jared Leto. All of these things happened to me, and I’m not even paying attention. Joan’s on 3rd is a New York style bodega swank deli that has horrible seating but stellar food. A great variety of sandwiches, but the glass case of salads is worth repeat visits. A vast array of pasta, vegetables, and cheeses, along with roast vegetables and meats make for a variety of choices for anyone. Anyone who considers mortadella, apricot glazed ham, and grilled maple rosemary chicken breast food (as opposed to overdressed meat) will enjoy themselves.

8350 W 3rd St.

I found Jim by way of a referral and have had such great experiences with him I try to tell everyone about him. Jim is everything you want in a mechanic: honest, up front, affordable, and extremely competent. His shop is in a sketchy (but still safe) area because he likes having multiple bays and many mechanics working at once and rent is freakin’ expensive everywhere else. I’ve brought four cars to Jim over the years and he’s taken exceptional care of each one. When you bring a car to Jim with a problem he fixes the problem, and perhaps the only strange part is that he doesn’t upsell any other services – or go looking for other issues if you don’t tell him. I got in the habit of asking him to do a full inspection each time I brought in my cars – just in case there was something going on I missed. This is something that can be seen up or down, since some people want a proactive mechanic who will run down a list of all the things that need to be done. Personally, I appreciate Jim’s approach. “What’s wrong? OK. That’s fixed now.” And then he charges you a fraction of what you expected.

(323) 939-2171, 4320 W Pico Blvd, Los Angeles