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All posts for the month August, 2015

El Coyote

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Food, Los Angeles, Review. Leave a Comment

El Coyote is what Republicans think Mexicans are like. It’s one of the oldest restaurants in Los Angeles and it delivers on your tourist red-state expectations of Mexican cuisine and culture. The guilty pleasure is that the food is really, really good and deeply satisfies the crappetite. A huge menu of the same ten items reconstituted different ways. Rolled, fried, plated, sauced; the variety of ways to serve beef, pork, and chicken are myriad. Waitresses in big rainbow skirts and waiters who feign poor language skills. You can pretend you’re on a scheduled cruise ship getaway! Great food that blocks your colon like concrete.

(323) 939-2255, 7312 Beverly Blvd. Los Angeles

Dr. Hogly Wogly’s Tyler Texas BBQ

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Food, Los Angeles, Review. Leave a Comment

There is a trend to my dining. Beef dives. There’s not innuendo meant there. I just like huge heaps of beef served to me in the most unpretentious environment possible. There’s nothing fancy about the Dr. – plastic plates, screaming babies, wet naps by request only. They make one hell of a plate of beef. Hickory smoked sauces, roasted chickens, a meat bonanza. Creaky wooden seats designed for fatties trucking wide loads. Bring a bib and about twenty five bucks for two people.

(818) 902-9046, 8136 Sepulveda Blvd, Van Nuys

Double Dog Dare Ya

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Los Angeles, Review, Store. Leave a Comment

Patrick Guilfoyle is a man of exceptional taste and that extends to how he treats his canine guests. He has built an oasis for dogs in Burbank, a swanky spa for your pooch where they can play and frolic while you vacation or work watching them on webcams. My wife and I are freaks, in that we are in our thirties without children and two dogs that we DO NOT ANTHROPOMORPHIZE. They are dogs, not children. Because we understand they are dogs we do not pamper them as if they were people, we treat them well as befits their species. Their idea of vacation is to roll in water, sniff strange ass, pee on each other, and play all day. (OK, that may be some human’s idea of fun, too.) We have two dogs, a pitbull/basenji mix allergic to everything, and an ex-racing greyhound. They love their time at DDDY and we rest assured knowing Patrick and his exceptional staff take top care of our dogs. The greyhound’s skin can tear like rice paper, and those tears can keep ripping if they’re not caught in time. So far no tears, which to me says that fights and skirmishes are caught in time and stopped. Double Dog Dare Ya is a premium doggie day care and kennel, so expect to pay more than other places. But if you are in a position to do so, and understand that “hotelling” your pet is both stupid and really just bores them, take them to Double Dog and envy the simplicity of modern design as applied to dogs. Outdoor play-area has tarps for shade, a swimming pond, and lots of room to roam. They cap their population to prevent a negative caretaker:dog ratio. Their informal motto is a dog that sleeps for two days after a visit is a job well done. In the many times my dogs have been there, “sleep” is a polite way of saying “comatose”.

(818) 846-2234, 122 W Linden Ct, Burbank

Diddy Riese Cookies

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Food, Los Angeles, Review. Leave a Comment

Diddy Riese only makes cookies and brownies and they are awesome. I think they are mostly a catering supply, or food service supply, but they also sell their freshly baked cookies to the throngs of UCLA students and movie theater patrons in the Westwood Village. But the best part is that most cookies are thirty five cents, as well as the little shortie of milk you can get with it! It almost redeems the presence of the schmucks who usually make up the wildlife of Westwood. Go for a total indulgence of two sugar bomb cookies as an ice cream sandwich for a buck.

(310) 208-0448, 926 Broxton Ave, Westwood Village

Culver City Volvo

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Los Angeles, Review, Service. Leave a Comment

We owned a 1995 850 Turbo wagon. It has a flip down child seat in the rear. It has a fold-down bench seat in the very back that seats three kids. All it’s missing is a uterus monitor built into the dash to completely freak us out. It was my wife’s commuter car, the right size to take both dogs to the park, kennel, or on a long trip, and it’s got 130,000 miles on it. The car’s very sporty and overall has been a great car. But when something goes wrong… ka-CHING! I’ve taken the car twice to Culver City Volvo for service and before I get into the cons, let me say that they did, in fact, fix what was wrong and it did not need to go back for any corrections. When you go the dealer for repairs, the implicit agreement is to be anally violated in fees so that the job is done right. I’m willing to pay more if the level if service is high. It just isn’t so at CC Volvo. Mind you, the service techs are very nice. But they don’t call to tell you there’s going to be a delay in the original estimate of repair time. They don’t offer alternatives to complete and total replacement, and they don’t take American Express. (The last point is only sticking in my craw after walking several miles to pick up my car and not having my Mastercard on me. Somehow I can run a marathon, but walking to the dealership twice is just aggravating.) Service reps won’t even look at another rep’s ticket, so if your guy isn’t there when you call or come in, forget about getting any answers at all. The last time I brought in the car, my rep seemed to take a lot of lunches, or his phone was always going to voicemail. Since he was lax in following up with the delays this made things very frustrating. Also, labor charges seem to vary based on the kind of diagnostic or repair they are performing. Check your bill and don’t hesitate to ask questions. If you bring your Volvo to them it will be fixed, eventually. It will also cost significantly more than you expect and take much, much longer. I’d take my car to Jim Matson, but Volvos require specific tools and repair machinery that few mechanics want to deal with. Jim’s smart enough to wave my car off and send me to the dealer. I’ll go back to Bjorn at the Swedish Auto Clinic in Venice again for the other repairs I need. Bjorn and his boys do decent, affordable work, but my last experience there was spotty and required multiple visits to get right. I suppose I just have to accept my yuppie lifestyle and embrace the Volvo, expenses and all. I dread the day when the baby light comes on the dashboard.

(877) 253-7968, 11201 Washington Blvd, Culver City

Culver City Municipal Plunge

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Location, Los Angeles, Review. Leave a Comment

25 yards wide, 50 meters long. Lap lanes from 6:45am to 8:45am, classes for everyone from under 6 swimmers to adults like myself. Two weeks of classes, five days a week, half an hour long, were $45 as a Culver City resident. How much do I LOVE the Culver, baby?! 2007 is my triathlon training year, culminating in my first event, the L.A. Triathlon on September 9th. I’m a strong recreational swimmer but needed to learn the front crawl/freestyle for the official races. The classes at the CCP were cheap, taught by friendly staff, and always fun. I’m an odd duck; I enjoy doing things that are new, strange, and difficult. I can run dozens of miles, bike forever, but swimming is an incredible workout that requires stamina, coordination, and a relaxed but steady form. The instructors at the CCP have been great in getting me ready, quickly, for my triathlon! Entry is $3 per visit, you can also get a frequent multi-day pass. Full lockable lockers, bike rack in the front, and working hot water showers for both sexes.

(310) 253-6680, 4175 Overland Ave, Culver City

Crazy Fish

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Dining, Food, Los Angeles, Review. Leave a Comment

“Crazy Gideon” is an Israeli electronics merchant in downtown L.A. He grabbed his schtick from “Crazy Eddie” from the east coast, a New York chain of discount electronics stores. Like many immigrants, the subtlety of American idioms like “crazy” didn’t translate for Gideon and his version of crazy is both scary, hostile, and not at all charming. Yes, his prices are insane. So is his need for a straightjacket and heavy doses of Thorazine. The same can be said for “Crazy Fish”. Under normal circumstances, fish should be fresh, prepared by a trained chef, and served by an attentive, competent staff. Oh ho ho, not at Crazy Fish! Horrible fish prepared by incompetents and served by… apparently no one. Their spicy rolls and cooked dishes tasted slathered in a heavy mayonnaise, making the gag factor higher than newbie tapioca wrestling night at Weight Watchers. The fish is not fresh, the staff barely capable, and the ambiance feels like you’re thrust into a twelve year old’s myspace page. Many people commit suicide by leaping off buildings, slitting their wrists, or hanging. Committed to your death? Come to Crazy Fish and order the blowfish.

(310) 550-8547, 9105 W Olympic Blvd, Beverly Hills

Ciudad

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Dining, Food, Los Angeles, Review. Leave a Comment

I had a family meltdown at Ciudad with my parents. We took turns going to the bathroom to have massive crying jags and the wait staff came over repeatedly to make sure we weren’t experiencing food poisoning. Very nice folks. Ciudad is a highbrow venue from the Border Grill chicks, but it’s catering to the foodie crowd who like expensive small dishes. Subsequent visits have been very pleasant, always making sure to order their mojitos. Bring the credit card, you’re looking at a surprisingly high bill, especially if you order drinks. One bill was over a hundred bucks for three of us eating simply.

(213) 486-5171, 445 S Figueroa St #100, downtown Los Angeles

Cinefile

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Los Angeles, Review, Store. Leave a Comment

One of my very first jobs was working for a mom & pop video store back in Washington, D.C. The owner let me work behind the counter when I was 12, which was highly illegal given that I was renting porno movies to adults. (It only got weird when customers asked for recommendations.) I worked for the store on and off for many years, watching three movies a day, building my movie vocabulary. The independent video store is a dying, damn near dead breed. Even in L.A. there’s Cinefile, Vidiots (Santa Monica), and Rocket Video (Hollywood) and that’s pretty much it. Eventually even these stores will be made obsolete by V.O.D., download services, and videos-by-mail. But nothing can replace the holier-than-thou attitude of the video store clerk. Cinefile makes good on the implicit pact of the independent video store: attitude, surly condescension by video store clerks, absolute elitism regarding obscure Tanzanian bush directors, and a commitment to misanthropy in exchange for really, really hard to find and out of print material. I love Cinefile and if I lived closer I’d use them all the time. Japanese, Sudanese, or Swedish film nut? They stock non-region 1 DVDs and sell the players that can play them. (Though if you own a Mac and download mactheripper you can rip any region DVD and watch the file on your computer.) Organize your library by director and fetish? So do they. Need to know the difference between every single Police Academy movie in the Steve Gutenberg ouvre? They can probably tell you. They might hit you, but they can tell you. Sign up for the occasional email and read about all the great movies you’re missing because Netflix doesn’t stock really obscure stuff.

(310) 312-8836, 11280 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles

The Cheese Store of Beverly Hills

Posted by qma3x on August 31, 2015
Posted in: Food, Los Angeles, Review, Store. Leave a Comment

Excluding prison rape, Eli Roth movies, and Fear Factor, have you ever put something in your mouth and wept? Before you die, hie thee to the Cheese Store of Beverly Hills and ask for a wedge of Piave and a bottle of Savannah honey. Dip the fine shaved cheese into the honey, place on tongue, and bypass years of yoga to immediate nirvana. I was turned on to the CSOBH by a friend who is a celebrity chef. For my birthday I was sent a basket of seven cheeses, fig cake, olive tapanade, homemade sun dried tomatoes, and a bottle of wine. The piave was a home run – mild with overtones of pineapple. A tub of Clarines was the stinkiest thing I’d opened in my kitchen and by far the most delicious. The world of stinky cheese opened to me and now the Clarines and a fig cake are must-gets every visit. The experience of talking with the shop workers is educational, entertaining, and it’s clear that these people love their jobs. There are few things more civilized than talking about the world and being fed slices of cheese in between words. You try a few things, you talk about what you like, and when it’s done they eyeball the goods and throw out a number. This is an experience where you just go in and open your wallet. They won’t take advantage of you – but this is imported cheese curated as much as stocked. Any of the folks behind the counter will take the time to serve your needs, just give them time with the person in front of you. While you wait, breathe deeply the glorious mold and let it become part of you.

(310) 278-2855, 419 N Beverly Dr, Beverly Hills